not much to say.. still shittty :(

order of my worries
weight
how i look
lack of exersice
diet
exams


too much for me.I cant do them all i either have to forget about the first 4 and just work on exams.. fuck that
argh
i really need exams to be over so i can be back to getting thin for summer i wish i had longer. 16 days

I cant belive ive let it come to this..

so long...
i need help! my parents are forcing me to eat they are doing everything. I couldnt cope i ran away..it was so stupid and was only like gone for a few hours but i had to get away
They say if they catch me skipping a meal i cant go to spain with my friends...before i know that i wouldnt of cared about Spain it wouldnt of seemed important but i have eaten 'normally' for ages now and i hate it.But its 2 weeks till spain.. I so want to fight against my parents and just like refuse food or will that just make everything worse.. maybe i could pretend i was better but i just think they wont belive it and will stay ultra strict about watching me eating etc. I dont know whether i should fight or what ?I mean it feels like it physically will hurt if i eat but its only 2 weeks and i think i could do it.WHAT DO I DO!! sorry this post is completly fucked up but i am so confused
not aloud on the comp anymore so will be back when i can
xxxx

Backk

Wow long time no blog :)
So my mum is totally onto me so i officialy live in a house with no scales. I want to cry
I have been fasting and eating really restricted for the last week been good but no idea how much ive lost..If anything!
Went shopping with my mate here and got loads of my own food (healthy salads and stuff)
ohh got to go..mums coming

BIG QUESTION!

NO NO NO NO
I was doing so well aswell,
Well i was eating one meal a day a salad at soup i had kept up all week untill today
I darent look at the scales BECAUSE i ate:
small macaroni and cheese pasta
cold piece of pizza
lasagne
pink sponge
eeerg, I hate myself i wish I could go back it time,Im still hungry HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!
I want to cry :(
I cant though..

so my BIG QUESTION

I am going on this residential thing with school on monday till Friday,I have no idea how the meals will be, What if everyone eats around the table everyone will be watching me ...what do i do.I hate not knowing what i will be eating, What makes it worse is I NEED to fast after today

help?

Posotive!

Wow i feel good i skipped breakfast and dinner and had a small salad for lunch
I went to gymnastics training and then had an apple I feel soo good and in controll coz i no i can do even better!
x x x

ramble

Okay well my fast wasnt a complete failure i lasted one day. great. I was so disapointed with myself because i didnt ven need to eat when i did. My friends organised a pic-nic because of the sunshine! so they were all thee watching me so i felt like i had to eat..Who am I kidding I ate coz i was hungry and having fun.I regreted it ALOT later but at least i did one day and didnt completly binge at the pic-nic.That would have been a gross sight!

For the last few days i have been eating okay kinda healthly with the odd slip.Today I ate a small bit of sushi and lots of water I feel really good and posotive for school.

Its gonna be pretty easy to eat well at school i can skip breakfast with out much bother from 'the parents' and lunch i can eat a tincy wincy salad wich will keep my friends happy as there used to me skipping.Then i will tell family i am eating dinner at school with mates(im a day pupil at a boarding school) and tell school im eating at home but staying late

Pefecto! I wil write and tell you how it goes tomorrow..I think with ana i am good witht the theory i know what i shouldnt eat what i CANT eat i no what exersise i NEED to do... It's just the pratical that lets me down.

I have some read some other blogs and feel alot stronger + i have wonderful hunger pains!

just a thought i think being ana and a boarder would be aazing coz you dont have any family meals and your in complete controll of what you eat! wshfull thinking :(

xxx
thanks for comments btw really helped

HELP!

Right so I have done really well today i dot even feeel hungry.I went for a long bike ride and had a cold shower(does something to your metabolism ) but my mum had booked a meal in a restraunt! How can I avoid going or if they make me do i have to eat?
Any tips or adive??
I soo dont want to eat :(

Weight

I have put on weight
I hate myself.
I am now 50.45KG or 7ST 13LB
I'm never eating again

Day one Fast

Okay so its 1.25 and I have just woken up! Its coz I was online till late last night,this means i have already got through a load of the day with out eating!Today i am going to keep myself busy busy busy. I will do some sit ups and maybe go for a long walk.I was looking at http://thinfrustrations.blogspot.com/ and http://proanaquest.blogspot.com/ they both made list about why they need to be skinny. I agreed with almost all of them.
I want people to look at me and think wow i wish i looked like that.
I want people to ask me what clothes size i am and to be able to say 4
I want to be able to not need food, i want to see it as just food.
I want my friends to be insanly jelous of me (that sonds bad but truth!)
I want to model
I want to reach the perfect weight then everything else will be clear it self up.

Yes I know all those things are probs unhealthy and yes i wish i didnt have issues about food and i wish i was one of those people who are just naturally skinny and they eat what ever they want but I'm not. I'd rather be skinny than be normal with food.

So I have a ana friend that i found on a forum and we are fasting together.I am so excited about not eating i cant wait to feel hungry! Does anyone know how long i should fast for.I have only ever fasted for about 3 days at the most.But i am really motivated this time.

Holidays
Right I am actually hating this one because I have had an amazing time with my friends but its so hard to not eat when I'm at some one elses house or when I am with all my mates.I will be stronger though.When i get back to school I will be back to routine meals wich will be much easier to miss or throw away with out any one noticing.Is it just me with the holiday thing?
I'll post tinight about how the fast is going.I feel so strong i will do it!

One Day...

thinspo

Thursday 16th April 2009

So I'm starting this blog because all the pro ana/mia sites say to! Also i am really hoping it will help me to controll my eating, like if i am thinking about eating somthing that i know i will regret later I will stop myself because i know i will have to admit it to you readers! Well I'm sure no one will be reading this but on the off chance you are then please comment.
Starting from tomorrow I'm going to fast, Loads of people say that this is a bad idea on other sites but it makes me feel proud of myslef and i long to feel good.I actually like feeling hungry it gives me a sense of achievment.I long to look like the girls in the thinspo's.I would love to have tiny thighs.None of my friends or family no any of my issues some times my mum helps me with out meaning to, as she is always dieting i just follow her. My friends wouldnt understand and would try and make me change but the thing is i know i will only be happy when I'm skinny and everything else will just fall into place.When i read that back it sounds silly but if i really think about it I truly do believe everything would be so much better if i was thin.
I would really apriciate any comments as this is my first blog ( I wont normally ask so much,its just it would really boost my confidence for making the next one.
one day...