Tuesday, 16 June 2009

not much to say.. still shittty :(

order of my worries
how i look
lack of exersice

too much for me.I cant do them all i either have to forget about the first 4 and just work on exams.. fuck that
i really need exams to be over so i can be back to getting thin for summer i wish i had longer. 16 days

Sunday, 7 June 2009

I cant belive ive let it come to this..

so long...
i need help! my parents are forcing me to eat they are doing everything. I couldnt cope i ran away..it was so stupid and was only like gone for a few hours but i had to get away
They say if they catch me skipping a meal i cant go to spain with my friends...before i know that i wouldnt of cared about Spain it wouldnt of seemed important but i have eaten 'normally' for ages now and i hate it.But its 2 weeks till spain.. I so want to fight against my parents and just like refuse food or will that just make everything worse.. maybe i could pretend i was better but i just think they wont belive it and will stay ultra strict about watching me eating etc. I dont know whether i should fight or what ?I mean it feels like it physically will hurt if i eat but its only 2 weeks and i think i could do it.WHAT DO I DO!! sorry this post is completly fucked up but i am so confused
not aloud on the comp anymore so will be back when i can

Saturday, 16 May 2009


Wow long time no blog :)
So my mum is totally onto me so i officialy live in a house with no scales. I want to cry
I have been fasting and eating really restricted for the last week been good but no idea how much ive lost..If anything!
Went shopping with my mate here and got loads of my own food (healthy salads and stuff)
ohh got to go..mums coming

Friday, 24 April 2009


I was doing so well aswell,
Well i was eating one meal a day a salad at soup i had kept up all week untill today
I darent look at the scales BECAUSE i ate:
small macaroni and cheese pasta
cold piece of pizza
pink sponge
eeerg, I hate myself i wish I could go back it time,Im still hungry HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!
I want to cry :(
I cant though..


I am going on this residential thing with school on monday till Friday,I have no idea how the meals will be, What if everyone eats around the table everyone will be watching me ...what do i do.I hate not knowing what i will be eating, What makes it worse is I NEED to fast after today


Tuesday, 21 April 2009


Wow i feel good i skipped breakfast and dinner and had a small salad for lunch
I went to gymnastics training and then had an apple I feel soo good and in controll coz i no i can do even better!
x x x

Monday, 20 April 2009


Okay well my fast wasnt a complete failure i lasted one day. great. I was so disapointed with myself because i didnt ven need to eat when i did. My friends organised a pic-nic because of the sunshine! so they were all thee watching me so i felt like i had to eat..Who am I kidding I ate coz i was hungry and having fun.I regreted it ALOT later but at least i did one day and didnt completly binge at the pic-nic.That would have been a gross sight!

For the last few days i have been eating okay kinda healthly with the odd slip.Today I ate a small bit of sushi and lots of water I feel really good and posotive for school.

Its gonna be pretty easy to eat well at school i can skip breakfast with out much bother from 'the parents' and lunch i can eat a tincy wincy salad wich will keep my friends happy as there used to me skipping.Then i will tell family i am eating dinner at school with mates(im a day pupil at a boarding school) and tell school im eating at home but staying late

Pefecto! I wil write and tell you how it goes tomorrow..I think with ana i am good witht the theory i know what i shouldnt eat what i CANT eat i no what exersise i NEED to do... It's just the pratical that lets me down.

I have some read some other blogs and feel alot stronger + i have wonderful hunger pains!

just a thought i think being ana and a boarder would be aazing coz you dont have any family meals and your in complete controll of what you eat! wshfull thinking :(

thanks for comments btw really helped

Friday, 17 April 2009


Right so I have done really well today i dot even feeel hungry.I went for a long bike ride and had a cold shower(does something to your metabolism ) but my mum had booked a meal in a restraunt! How can I avoid going or if they make me do i have to eat?
Any tips or adive??
I soo dont want to eat :(